thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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