then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
