I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
