A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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