All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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