I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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