if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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