it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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