No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
