I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You are the jesus of drinking
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
