It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Bring me that man meat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
