cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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