I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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