can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
