She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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