she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
