"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
