my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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