You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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