Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
