i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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