And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
