he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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