so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
