I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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