He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
