Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this boner is exhausting
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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