Dual....:-)
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
