She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
