Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
