im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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