i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
