a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
