you win again, gameday.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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