i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
