It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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