The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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