Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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