Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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