It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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