I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
