His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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