My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
