YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
