Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
