That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
