did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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