Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
