he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
