Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize