know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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