A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
