I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
