But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
