Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
