the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I lost the right to judge tonight
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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