haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
