Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
