She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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