he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
