Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
