4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
