I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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