If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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