no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
