i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
