That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
