Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
