I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
