i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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