she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
