nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
