May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
