You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
