No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
