so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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