Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
