last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
