Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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