Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
