We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
