he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Still dying that you shit outside
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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