the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
