Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
