Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
