i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
