how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
