The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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