hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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