i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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