He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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