He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
