Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
