I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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