I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
