So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
