I've blown a few things in my day
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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