They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I still have a little drunk in my system
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
