Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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