My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize