yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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