I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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