mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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