that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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