Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
