Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
