He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
