i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
