Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
