everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
