I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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