none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
