We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize